HellasFrappe might of been my dream, but it was inspired and supported by the only person that mattered most to me in this world: Mike. When I was not generating the traffic I wanted, and when the blog was only making 20 cents a day, Mike would first hug me, then boost my spirits by telling me that he believed in the cause behind HellasFrappe, that I should swallow my frustration and simply continue the fight. He would say that sooner or later people will realize how important this blog is, and they will willingly support it so that it continues to operate. Of course people didn't, but he never stopped telling me this. He also knew it was difficult for me to ask readers to help support it, because he secretly knew -deep inside that is- that most of the Omogeneia -and especially the Greek community- would ignore such a plea, because they are caught up in a world of arrogance, ignorance and especially greed. Who cares about a small time blog that wants to change the world, spread awareness about Greece and Greek life, why should I donate 2 dollars for this cause? Giving 200 to watch Anna Vissi is better. Mike knew all this... because he and I wanted to change this world but he continued to give me the strength to continue believing in our community. It is not the Greekness, or culture I had frustration with, it was the fact that I was pouring my heart out to everyone everyday, generating those reports, and it was not being supported willingly at all. How could I ask for support when it is not coming from the heart I would ask him, and he would tell me that sometimes people need a little push so that they can be reminded of what matters and what doesn't. .
You see Mike and I believed in a better world, a world where wealth was measured by character and not by some one's bank account and in some way we believed that we could motivate others by changing one mind at a time.
And in some ways, we did.
But life with its complications got the best of us. Micheal died this morning from pancreatic cancer at the ripe age of 38. The loss of my loved one has altered my entire life, simply because he was such an inspiration for me and mostly because he was my best friend. The sorrow I feel at the moment is uncontrollable and it cannot be placed into words. My home seems to echo from the silence, I see his image everywhere, and every time I reminded that I am now alone, I begin to weep. So many years together and the only thing I have now are memories.
When exiting the hospital this morning, after his death, I stood in the warmth of the sun and thought about all the couples who sit across from each other and insist there just isn’t enough time to spend with each other. Why not make time? I thought about the world we live in and felt disgusted with the society we have created for the children of tomorrow. There is too much focus on wealth and power and achievement, which creates the context for so much personal unhappiness, because all too often it makes us as a society miss out on what really matters in life, which is the personal welfare and the relationships of people. What a pitiful world this is. Mike was right, we have to change things. We have become increasingly isolated, as families and especially as individuals. Greed and want has taken over our lives, we do not look beyond our shoulder at the person in need behind us and ignore the people or the causes next to us. As I stared into the distance, all I felt grief yes, but I also realized how precious life is and how easily it can be unexpectedly cut short.
From very young I was a "flower power child" and someone who wanted to generate change, connecting myself later on in my adulthood with someone who wanted to do the same only enforced this. He enriched my very being and his vision, and our vision as a couple for a better world will not die. This I can control, and I must. I owe it to this wonderful man, and to myself. We should all be so lucky to have enriched the lives of those close to us the way this man has mine.
In case you are wondering, I did not get to say an official “goodbye” to him, but I was fortunate enough to be by his side during his final moments. Three simple words, "I love you" were exchanged between us every day during his final days, and it was enough. I was also fortunate enough to kiss his hands when he took his last breath and thank him for giving me the best years of my life.
I have finally realized that having a good life is about the quality of the relationships we have had with the people who are closest to us on our journey.
I hope those of you who are reading this can become “happy with your portion” (of life) without necessarily losing a loved one in order to learn that lesson.
So there, this teachable moment is done.
As for HellasFrappe, and myself personally. Well, right now I feel shock and numbness. I feel alone, and am searching for a meaning to all of this. This is going to be a slow journey in the land of grief, and this might transpire in my work, my relationship with others, and my future choices, because I know mourning does not have a timetable. I have to now learn how to absorb this sudden and tragic loss, how to keep his memory alive and continue his work, how to find inspiration to continue wanting to change the world and especially how to cope on doing this all alone. This is a new journey, unexpected and it is not going to be easy. Be patient with me.
Thank-you for allowing me to share this with all of you, and again I apologize for this online confession
Signed
Marina Spanos
Editor HellasFrappe
Posts
