More sex please, we’re Greek: Exposing the myth of "Platonic" love

Plato lent his name to Platonic love but a new book reveals that the ancient Greek philosopher never advocated love without sex.

University of Manchester science historian Dr Jay Kennedy, who hit the headlines last year after revealing he had cracked the code in the great thinker’s writings, has now published a decoder’s manual that lays bare the secret content of Plato’s ancient works.

“Plato – the Einstein of Greece’s Golden Age – was long thought to favour love without sex, or ‘Platonic love’, but this new research reveals Plato was far from being a prude,” says Dr Kennedy, who is based in the Centre for the History of Science, Technology and Medicine, part of the University's Faculty of Life Sciences. “The decoded symbols in fact show that Plato was not an advocate of Platonic love at all; rather he urged a middle path. For him, morality meant moderation – he wanted people to avoid both promiscuity and abstinence.

“Before Plato, sex was about rutting and producing heirs. Plato marks a shift in the history of Western sexuality and some say he invented romance, but, for him, erotic passion was a spiritual force that helps us find our true selves within the deepest, human bond. Eros, or love, was a creative force that inspired art, literature, and the sciences.”

Dr Kennedy cracked the code within Plato’s texts last year when an unexpected insight led him to realise that Greek music was key to interpreting the writings of the Athenian philosopher and mathematician. Kennedy’s new book, The Musical Structure of Plato’s Dialogues, reports on the hidden doctrines revealed so far, including those in The Symposium, a philosophical text concerned with love.

Read more: http://www.manchester.ac.uk

Sex in the Poli – Sex Does Not Equal Relationship

Can a woman really engage in a "sex only" relationship for a long time without having some sort of feelings for the guy she is involved with? Does she put herself mentally in a box which means she will ONLY be a piece of a…s and nothing more? And what happens when she shows some emotion… does the guy run off like cheap mascara? Find out today as Sex in the Poli examines “Sex does not Equal Relationship”.

Is it possible to have sex without emotion? Yes it is. It is completely and totally natural and I really do not know why people feel guilty and/or bat their eyes about it. It’s just sharing a moment of existence between two people. But it’s just that… a moment... no link... just the mechanics... If that is what you choose, of course. But what if you have agreed to such an arrangement and secretly begin falling for your lover?

In playing the dating game and being a living breathing woman with active hormones, conventional wisdom has dictated to me that it isn't possible for women to have sex without forming some sort of an emotional attachment to their partner, unlike men who can do it freely, separating the act from the emotion. I am sure there are rare cases that can actually just go at it for the sex, but in all reality women do connect with their lovers.

I'd be lying if I said that in one or two specific cases when I started actively seeing someone I wasn't a bit disappointed with how things turned out - it being not much more than a good time. I too learned that sex doesn't equal relationship.

Anyway, I had to bring all this up because last week I spent a bit of time catching up with a really good friend, whom I will call Tina in this article. And before anyone jumps to conclusions about respecting another person’s privacy, I told my friend that her story inspired this week’s column and she willingly asked me to give her the fake name of “Tina” for discretion purposes of course and analyze freely.

Being the open-character she is, Tina gave me the whole enchilada on her latest lover.

In comes “Ding-Dong” man!

He satisfied her in ways she never dreamed of, but according to her there was no promise of long-term... because simply put he is involved with someone else. She told me she was there only for the sex, nothing more and simply loving it. "Since I know he's not the one," she said, "I don't see why I just can't have fun with it?"

Well if the chemistry is right… then why not.. I answered/ After all you know what they say…. “Sex is like Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, then you had better have a good hand." And not everyone is into the bicep thing.

WRONG!

After she made this statement I began to ponder over it for a while because I saw that Tina was a bit confused about this arrangement. She was clearly into this guy and not admitting it to herself because subconsciously she was afraid that if she showed any emotion he would run faster than the road runner. Tina tried to convince me that she was there only for the sex, because there were no strings attached, but did I believe her… not even for one second!

I continually advised her to keep her options opened…. and asked her if she secretly desired that he commit to this relationship, but of course Tina would answer commitment shmitment… all I want and need is the comfort. 

 

This was on Day one… When Day two approached and Mr. Ding-Dong man did not text her, or call her Tina began questioning how the universe was formed. 

For the following three days all I heard was “what did I do wrong?” “Why hasn’t he called me.” “I gave my heart and soul to this man!”

And then powwwwwwww….. It turned into a scene from the Exorcist… “I am going to get back at him if it is the last thing I do!”

The role of the eyes really gave me the heebie jeebies. Thank the heavens there was no head twisting.

But hold on…

Back up….

Didn’t you say you just wanted sex in the first place?

Didn’t you say that you did not want any strings attached?

What happened?

So what if he did not call you the morning after. So what if he did not telephone you... this is what you had agreed with in the first place.

You simply fell for him dear…. and secretly desired that with every sexual date you had with him he would at one point begin to commit to this relationship.

Being the person I am... I proposed a good barrel of ice-cream, a Latino lover and a Cosmo –shaken not stirred- to her, but to no avail. 

 

Tina went on frenzy until Mr. Ding-Dong man finally texted her and then everything was fine again.

Thank God he did, because after four days of this I was actually carrying a rosary and saying ten Hail Mary’s everyday!

This silly, but everyday kind of story got me thinking about open relationships, and the “just-sex” type. And being the analytical mind I am, I want to address Tina via my article and say that she needs a couple of shots of Tsipouro and a good slap on the face.

Tina: It is indeed hard to find that comfortable space between just being happy-go-lucky and accounting for all the ideals that constitute a lasting, deeper interest, isn’t it?

Were you hoping that he might only be interested in sex until he realized that the other parts of him beyond his crotch finally discovered that you were enjoyable?

Oh my my my… Don't you know that we women need a reason to have sex.. Men just need a place?

HELLO!!

My Response to you is simple: I want to give you the biggest hug. And then a hard dose of REALITY.

Ok, listen closely.

Here’s something you NEVER EVER want to forget.

It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and “dating” in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships.

Ready?

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future. In other words. A man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him. And more to the point, it is NOT the Physical Attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.

Sex does NOT equal a relationship for a man.

I’m going to tell you that you need to re-think things… Sex and relationships are two completely different things which have nothing to do with one another.

What makes a man “see your worth” and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.

Got it?

Ok, good.

After all you begged me to get you angry…. so that you can take responsibility for not being honest with yourself all along. So I hope my dose of reality gave you the slap you needed to once again find that wonderful rational woman I know.

As for you Mr Ding-Dong Man... keep in mind that women might be like pinball machines, where you can put your money in, and have a good time... But if you ignore the game a bit, smack it around a little... Then its game over for you buddy! !

So be nice!

See ladies!  It’s natural for men to be afraid of commitment!  It’s not just The Rob!

The Morning After

Funny - Funny Videos

Sex in the Poli – Take our love quiz and get more fun in your boudoir

Perhaps you have heard it said that you can’t really love someone until you learn to love yourself, but you can’t really love yourself until you know yourself. Coming to grips with the fact that you are pig-headed, too ambitious, stuburn, greedy, snotty, or irrational is one thing, but how are you in the dating department? Learning and accepting the real “sexual you” will give you confidence as a lover and is an important step in learning to love and appreciate yourself. Also it is an important part of the process that will prepare you to enter and be successful in today’s dating game.

Not to worry folks… Sex in the Poli to the rescue. Just ask yourself the following questions. Is the opposite gender fighting to ask me out? Do I exude confidence and sex appeal? Can I analyze my partner's state of arousal by pheromone level alone? Well, Sex in the Poli has its standards, and we expect our readers to make the grade, so take these handy quizzes and find out if you have what it takes in today's hip, savvy boudoir world:

The manly man quiz 

(For the dic…head who thinks of nothing else than Sex, beer, Sex, sports and Sex)

Q.1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:

• a) Lovemaking
• b) Scre….ing
• c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

Q. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

• a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
• b) Your blood-test results
• c) Five tequila slammers

Q.3. You time your orgasm so that:

• a) Your partner climaxes first
• b) You both climax simultaneously
• c) You don't miss the basketball game on the sports channel

Q. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

• a) Healthy, creative love-play
• b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
• c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

Q. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

• a) The best part of the experience
• b) The second best part of the experience
• c) $100 extra

Q.6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

• a) No concern of yours
• b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
• c) A conservative estimate

Q. 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

• a) A myth
• b) An oxymoron
• c) A moron

Q.8. Foreplay is to sex as:

• a) Appetiser is to entree
• b) Priming is to painting
• c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

Q. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

• a) "I hope we can still be friends."
• b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
• c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

Q. 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you play with your love stick:

• a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
• b) Is uptight and a waste of time
• c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Score 1 point for every answer "a"
Score 2 points for every answer "b"
Score 3 points for every answer "c" 

Your Score
10 points: You are a saint, a liar, or a eunuch.
11-20 points: You are an average Joe. Good luck in the battle of the sexes.
21-30 points: You are a real man's man. Your fear of intimacy with women and your love of men's sports screams latent homosexuality. You need a nice she-male dominatrix to teach you respect.
31-40 You can't add.

The “Why am I such a frigid biotch” quiz. 
For unorgasmic women only, or those that find it difficult to land a man!)

A woman's place is in the:

• a) House (or Senate)
• b) Bedroom
• c) Office
• d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals

When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:

• a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
• b) "Material Girl"
• c) "I Touch Myself"
• d) Theme from "Psycho"

The perfect Christmas gift is:

• a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
• b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
• c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
• d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons

A woman's hairstyle should:

• a) Gently accentuate her best features
• b) Not resemble a poodle
• c) Hide the lobotomy scars
• d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the demon-horns

If a man wants to date me, he must also like my:

• a) Family
• b) Pet rock
• c) Therapist
• d) Furniture

A romantic evening is best spent:

• a) Before a roaring fire
• b) Having a candle-lit dinner
• c) Country line dancing
• d) Shopping

I want to date a(n):

• a) Lawyer
• b) Engineer
• c) Crew-chief at the local JuffyLube
• d) Anyone who owns a shoe store

What attracted me most to you (physically) is/are your:

• a) Massive chest
• b) Tight buns
• c) Tattoo collection
• d) Credit cards

What attracted me most to you (mentally) is/are your:

• a) Sparkling wit
• b) Open mind
• c) Deep understanding of power tools
• d) Huh?

I really get turned on when you:

• a) Are with me
• b) Kiss my neck
• c) Imitate Beavis and Butt-Head
• d) Do the dishes

I can't live without:

• a) The support of friends
• b) Oxygen
• c) Entertainment Tonight
• d) Makeup

If you were really depressed, I would:

• a) Listen to your problems
• b) Rub your back
• c) Get you drunk
• d) Laugh

My favourite television programs are:

• a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
• b) MST3K, Roseanne, and Star Trek: TNG
• c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and Americas Most Wanted
• d) Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual

My favourite pig out food is:

• a) Low-fat yogurt
• b) Haagen Dasz
• c) Gummi worms
• d) A man's still quivering heart

A man should know where I keep my:

• a) House keys
• b) Erogenous zones
• c) Ear-wax remover
• d) Guns

I would rather die a slow painful death than:

• a) Betray a confidence
• b) Betray my country
• c) Miss "Wheel of Fortune"
• d) Spend one more minute with you

The most hellish place on Earth is:

• a) Bosnia-Herzegovina
• b) Texas
• c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
• d) Your bedroom

The one phrase I would love to hear is:

• a) "Congratulations, Madame President"
• b) "Oh my god that is the winning lottery ticket!"
• c) "Wow! I've never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!"
• d) "What we can't figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in the first place."

If a man was to propose to me, I would:

• a) Cry
• b) Call my mother
• c) Be pregnant
• d) Giggle uncontrollably

If when completing this test you notied that you have answered at least one “d” answer… then accept it… you are a frigid biotch and in dire need of help. Please write a 300 word essay on the theme: "A Woman's Role In the Relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur" Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample...

You have a dirty mind Quiz 
(For males and females - One Point for each correct answer)

• 1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
• 2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
• 3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
• 4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
• 5. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
• 6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
• 7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
• 8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
• 9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
• 10. This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, some-times slowly sometime quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What is it?????

SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWERS!!

ANSWERS: 1. A dentist
2. A wedding ring
3. Peanut Butter
4. A Chewing Gum
5. An elevator
6. A nose
7. A newspaper boy
8. A glove
9. A Crane
10. A toothbrush, of course

SCORING: 

0-1 Shit! Wash your mind out with soap!
2-4 Get your mind out of the gutter!
5-6 Not too dirty.
7-8 Mmmmmm.. Good job.
9-10 Hello…. Do you even know what sex is?


Sources: 

www.inspirational-quotes-short-funny-stuff.com 

www.jokes.com 

crocjokes.comw  

www.angelfire.com

Sex in the Poli: Men are from Mars + Woman are from Venus

Science has proven that men and women are definitely NOT alike. For instance women often complain that communicating with men is like trying to talk to dead wood while men complain that all we women do is blab, blab, blab… Now, this may seem a little simplistic, but the fact is that it might have been fashionable at once to believe that we were all persons first and members of our gender second. This, of course, was so much hooey, or bull…hit. We are different -- in our habits, and in the way we react to environmental stimuli and the way we spend our leisure time; and we are especially different when it comes to our attitudes regarding relationships, sex, and every day common things. Sex in the Poli today lists documented proof of this and proves that Men are definitely from Mars and Woman are from Venus.

To prove my point, and keeping in line with this column, lets analyze the subject of sex. For some men the only time they are not thinking about sex is when they are actually having it. For women it is more talking about men’s desire for sex and laughing at the men, thinking that they have them all figured out…then they eventually sometimes regain their sanity.

You see, women think there is something to figure out about men but there really isn’t. If you could see inside the typical man’s mind you’d see…Sex…sports…Sex…eat…SEX…sports again…take a dump… and also a lot more SEX. And that’s about it. Oh and I did forget beer for some of them too. It really doesn’t get a whole lot more complicated than that.

But if you looked into a woman’s mind it would be a whole different story…”What is he thinking?”…”What is she thinking?”… “Does my ass look big in these jeans?”…”Why did he look at me like that?”…”Was he just flirting with me?”…”Should I have sex with him?”… “Am I gaining weight?”…”Yes, my ass is definitely too fat for these jeans.”…

But don’t worry folks, Sex in the Poli guarantees that if you study hard with the lists in hand, then you can limit the differences... and who knows... you can even get lucky!

Element Name: WOMAN

• Symbol: WO
• Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
• Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
• Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
• Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
• Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

 Element Name: MAN

• Symbol: XY
• Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
• Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
• Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
• Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
• Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

WOMAN HAVE TO KNOW WHEN NOT TO PUT THEIR FOOT IN THEIR MOUTH

• He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
• He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
• He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
• He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
• He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
• He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
• He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
• He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
• He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
• He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
• He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
• He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
• He doesn't have a dirty mind; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.
• He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

MEN HAVE TO KNOW WHEN TO SPEAK (if they know what is good for them)

• DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
• SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
• SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
• ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

• DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
• SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
• SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
• ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

• DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
• SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
• SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
• ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

• DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
• SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
• SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
• ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate

• DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
• SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
• SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
• ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. 

THE REAL MEANING OF DEFINITIONS 

THINGY (thing-ee) n.

• FEMALE: Any part under a car's hood.
• MALE: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

• FEMALE: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
• MALE: Playing any sport without a "cup."

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

• FEMALE: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
• MALE: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

 BUTT (but) n.

• FEMALE: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
• MALE: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n

• FEMALE: A desire to get married and raise a family.
• MALE: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

 ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

• FEMALE: A good movie, concert, play or book.
• MALE: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

• FEMALE: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
• MALE: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.

 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

• FEMALE: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
• MALE: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

• FEMALE: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
• MALE: A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.

FOOTBALL (fut-bol) n.

• FEMALE: An annoying 6 month long competition for a partner's attention.
• MALE: 6 months off from spending time with what's her name.

 A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH

• What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 
• I'm hungry = I'm hungry 
• I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy 
• I'm tired = I'm tired 
• What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before 
• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = 50 bucks and it doesn't look that much different! 
• I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

A MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

• What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 
• We need to talk = I need to complain 
• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to 
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important 
• We need = I want 
• It's your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now 
• Do what you want = you’ll pay for this later 
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 
• You're ... so manly = you need a shave and you sweat a lot 
• You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about? 
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period 
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... 
• I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white 
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like 
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV 
• Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful 
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 
• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] 
• Yes = No 
• No = No 
• Maybe = No 
• I'm sorry = you’ll be sorry 
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 
• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it 
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. 
• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?

  DIFFERENCES IN VARIOUS AREAS OF LIFE MATURITY:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults, whereas most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. Here are a few more that I think you will find pretty interesting! 

BATHROOMS

• A man has 6 items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 

 GROCERIES

• A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things.
• A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items- or-fewer lane. 

 SHOES

• When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
• A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. 

 GOING OUT

• When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out.
• When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earrings, finishes putting on her makeup... 

 OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dental appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 

 DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. 

 DAVID LETTERMAN

• Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth.
• Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut. 

 LAUNDRY

• Women do laundry every couple of days.
• A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style." 

 WEDDINGS

• When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
• Men talk about "the bachelor party". 

 SOCKS

• Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks.
• Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles that have pictures of clouds, or have a big fuzzy ball on the back. 

 NICKNAMES

• If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.
• But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. 

 EATING OUT

• ... and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in a $20 bill, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. 

 MIRRORS

• Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror.
• Women are ridiculous. They will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head. 

 MENOPAUSE

• When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
• Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. 

 TELEPHONE

• Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
• A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three yours. 

 ADMITTING MISTAKES

• Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
• The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer. 

 RICHARD GERE

• Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
• Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women. 

 MADONNA

• Same as above, but reversed. Same reason. 

 CAMERAS

• Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.
• Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures. 

 GARAGES

• Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers.
• Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages. 

 MOVIES

• Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.
• The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. 

 JEWELRY

• Women look nice when they wear jewellery.
• A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. 

 TIME

• When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game's just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays. 

 CONVERSATION

• Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great movie" -- "What, are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size" -- "Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys," etc.
• Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mmmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. 

 FRIENDS

• Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.
• Men on a boys' night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "Got any more beer?"

 RESTROOMS

• Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons.
• Women use restrooms as social lounges.
• Men in restrooms will never speak a word to each other.
• Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends.

Sources:

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/the-differences-between-men-and-women.html

http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/definitions_m_f.html

http://www.jokesnjokes.net/funny.jokes.amusing.humor.laughs/MaleFemale/menvwomen001.htm

http://www.saviodsilva.net/lists/en1/40.htm

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/01/why-are-women-so-strange-and-men-so-weird.html

http://darnfunnyonline.com/the-difference-between-men-and-women-%E2%80%9Cit%E2%80%99s-complicated%E2%80%9D/

Sex in the Poli: Sex Facts and Trivia for Dummies

Ever wanted to be a sex guru, the main game player at Sex Jeopardy, or at least land those difficult (…yeah right) questions on every Cosmo sex quiz? Well Sex in the Poli has the answer to all these questions… With our useless (and interesting) facts on sex you too can find out why one out of 17, or more than 400,000,000 people have sex a day. Or even why 4,000 people are doing it right now! The world is a rockin' folks, so don't go a knockin', its time to study Sex Facts and Trivia for Dummies! 

 

Did you know Greek couples have sex an average of 138 times a year – placing them at the top of the world sex league. Japanese couples have sex just 45 times a year, which puts them in last place, or that the more sex you have, then the more you will be offered to have it? Find out why cherry is the most popular flavour of edible underwear, why nudity was considered commonplace to the ancient Greeks and why it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines in Maryland.

FUN HISTORICAL FACTS AND TRIVIA ON SEX

• The first condoms in the US were made from vulcanized rubber in the 1870s. They were expensive and annoyingly thick and meant to be reused. 
• In Medieval France, unfaithful wives were made to chase a chicken through town while naked. 
• Up until 1884, a Victorian-era woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex. 
• The earliest known illustration of a man using a condom during sexual intercourse is painted on the wall of a cave in France. It is dated between 12,000 and 15,000 years old. 
• Napoleon's love stick was apparently sold to an American urologist for $40,000. 
• An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera. (Huh…??) 
• In 100 AD, the ancient Germanic tribe, the Teutons would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement. 
• Six thousand years ago, Egyptians, the first to punish sex crimes with castration, would completely castrate a male convicted of rape, and a woman found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose. 
• In ancient Greece and Rome, fake love machines were made out of animal horns, gold, silver, ivory and glass. (Ouch…!!) 
• While nudity was considered commonplace to the ancient Greeks, a man was considered indecent if he had an exposed erection. (Of course… that makes perfect sense!)

INTERNATIONAL LAW, FACTS AND TRIVIA ON SEX

• In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT really makes sense.) 
• In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Oh brother…!!) 
• Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) 
• The penalty for hand employment in the love area in Indonesia is decapitation. (Dumb question… which head?) 
• There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this for a male? Time to move to Guam my frisky males!) 
• In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Now that is Justice!) 
• Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (Scratching my head.. that makes perfect sense…@#$##@?) 
• In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (What does her mother do.. coach her, him, or crochet?) 
• In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) 
• In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (That is why they say America is a great country... but of course if I was a male, Guam would still be no. 1) 
• In Egypt lipstick was believed to have been invented for women who specialized in oral sex. They wanted their lips to look more inviting. (It still is… hello!!!) 
• In Europe, during the middle ages, women were discouraged from having orgasms because it was thought that orgasms made women less capable of getting pregnant. (Tough years…) 
• In Manila, prostitutes would tattoo sex acts on their bodies so that they could score more clients. In fact when English went “shopping for sex” the sailors would point at the various tattoos on their bodies so as to tell them what they wanted the ladies to do for them. (…guess that is when body language was invented) 
• By the end of the US Civil War, a quarter of the Union Army was infected with a VD; there was no cure back then for it in the 19th Century. (…why die from a bomb… make love not war and die anyway) 
• In Ancient Greece, women would expose their love caves to ward off storms at sea. (they still do… women with bathing suits on are considered naked here) 
• In Italy, it’s legal to have sex in a public bathroom as long as you keep the door shut. (Damn right!) 
• In France almost 41% of French men and women admit to having taken part in group sex. (That explains why Strauss Khan is a frisky man!!!) 
• The vocabulary of Polynesian [South Pacific] societies has no words in their language for "obscene", "indecent", or "impure". (in other words it's a free for all) 
• In Paramaribo, Suriname, a man who rapes a single woman won't be punished —if he marries the victim. (Imagine being married to Helter Skelter?) 
• In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom. (…?....) 
• In some places in Ecuador, the husband can return the bride to her family if he determines she is not a virgin. (What is she a stereo, or a blender?) 
• Homosexuality is punishable by death in certain regions of Afghanistan, Iran, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, and Yemen. Lesser penalties of “life in prison” can be found in Bangladesh, Bhutan, Nepal, India, and Uganda. (…now that is a relief!!!) 
• According to the Durex study, Canadian women are the most likely group to fake orgasm. (I think Durex is not making enough money in Canada, I denounce this study!) 
• It is considered taboo for a respectable Romanian woman to perform oral sex. (Oh Really…. That is why they are so popular with Greek men?) 
• According to the Durex study, one in ten people think Brazilians are the sexiest people on earth, followed by Americans (9%) and the French (8%). (I disagree with the second fact, being from the Mediterranean I think Greek, Italian and Spanish men are super hot!) 
• Today, Japan leads the world in condom use. Like cosmetics, they're sold door to door, by women. (something like Avon) 
• Women’s top sexual choices are the Italians (12%) and the Spanish (11%) while men opt for Chinese women (11%) and Brazilians (10%). (…don’t say I warned you Durex)

SCIENCE, HEALTH FACTS AND TRIVIA ON SEX

• Sex burns about 70-120 calories for a 130 pound woman and 77 to 155 calories for a 170 pound man every hour. In other words, have sex instead of exercise. 
• Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up (if you use a condom). It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers. 
• A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. 
• Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. Also it releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. 
• Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. 
• During sweaty sex, men ooze testosterone. And it's actually a biological turn on for women! 
• Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
• Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogens, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
• Turn up the heat, in every way. The hotter the room, the fiercer the orgasm. Vasocongestion, or the heat flush on your skin, is akin to blushing from sex. 
• The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex. 
• A woman’s love cave is also a great swim coach. The pelvic spasms caused by having a big “O” actually move sperm up stream towards fertilizing your eggs. 
• You can go from zero to 60 fast! The fastest speed a sexy sensation can travel from the libido to our brains has been clocked at the Ferrari-fast speed of 156 mph. 
• Other than the libido area and woman’s “puppies”, the inner nose is the only other body part that routinely swells during intercourse – this is because it is made from the same type of erectile tissue as a male’s love stick.

SURVEYS, POLLS AND RESEARCH FACTS

• According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavour of edible underwear. 
• According to a poll taken by a popular women's magazine, 70 percent of women would rather have chocolate than sex. 
• A survey conducted by Masters and Johnson in the early 1980s revealed that the third-most frequent fantasy amongst both homosexual men and women was a heterosexual encounter. 
• According to the Kinsey Institute, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal. 
• A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly. 
• According to the World Health Organization, there are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. 
• In a recent interview with 10 prominent sex therapists, the question was posed, 'What is the most important aspect in love making?' One said 'relaxation', three said 'honesty', and a whopping Six out of Ten said 'staying awake'. The age group that has the most frequent sex is 35 - 44 year olds

MORE TOTALLY INTERESTING FACTS AND TRIVIA ON SEX

• When reading horizontally from Shakespeare's original published copy of Hamlet, the furthest left hand side reads 'I am a homosexual' in the last 14 lines of the book. Was this a message, or just a coincidence? 
• Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.
• Although Hitler did condemn homosexual acts, he only condemned them between men. Lesbians were not condemned at all. They were rarely (if any at all) sent to concentration camps, because it was not in the laws written by Hitler to condemn women loving other women. 
• Dolphins and humans are the only known animals that have sex for pleasure. 
• The word 'gymnasium' comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means to exercise naked, which often was done in ancient Greece. 
• Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in the hopes that it would reduce hand employment in the love area. 
• The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone. 
• The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved love stick to drill a love cave into the female. 
• The word, “Hockey” is Archaic slang for “semen.” 
• During the 1920s, it was believed that jazz music caused one to permanently lose his sexual inhibitions. It was often banned in many cities. One private company went as far as to sell the elites "jazz proof" furniture. 
• Women who went to college, and are more educated, are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. (Amazing what one learns in college) 
• Burlesque costumes are the epitome of sexy; however, a few centuries ago, the outfits had a slightly different purpose. According to the Museum of Sex, merkins (the bottom half of burlesque costumes) were originally created as "love cave hair wigs" for 15th century prostitutes. The designs helped hide love cave hair lice and syphilis symptoms. (Make sure to share this information with your boyfriend the next time he heads to Vegas with the boys.) 
• Almost 52. 75% of Japanese women own fake love machines, while the average worldwide is 47%. (is that the reason they say… Asian men are “light” on their feet?) 
• It is totally illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States, I kid you not! 
• Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, confessed to a friend that despite her three husbands and a parade of lovers, she had never had an orgasm. 
• In 2004 a women was reportedly detained in the Athens, Greece airport after her chastity belt set off the metal detector. Apparently, her husband was trying to keep her from straying while on vacation. (live your myth in Greece)

SOURCES

http://socyberty.com/sexuality/odd-sex-facts/#ixzz1OfYXYrNm

http://www.livestrong.com/article/13855-sex-trivia-2/#ixzz1OfSdNllC

http://www.comedy-zone.net/triviazone/humans/page4.htm

http://www.stunning-stuff.com/list-funny-facts/3.html

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/weird-sex-trivia-575814

http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/psychology-of-sex/sex-facts-whats-a-normalq-sex-life/menu-id-1482/

http://www.modernghana.com/lifestyle/773/16/10-weird-human-sex-facts.html